Drivers (And Drinkers) Ed. With Dad

My father is one of the few people I trust without question behind the wheel of a car. He's been driving for over 42 years now, and has driven in over 15 countries. I think it's safe to say that he's got a hefty amount of road time under his belt. When in the car together, my dad and I normally don't engage in much conversation. Usually I'll just make comments about particularly interesting cars I see, or talk about what's on the radio. Sometimes we'll even yell together at retarded drivers (this is how I learned my first swear word; asshole). But on occasion he'll take the time to teach me things about driving or tell me stories of his automotive exploits.

There's one ride from a few years ago that I enjoy reminiscing about. I don't remember the specifics of why we were out on the highway at two in the morning, but I know we were on our way home. I'd been dozing off with my head against the window, and when I got up to check the time I noticed that while driving with his left hand, my father was using his right hand to fill his Dunkin' Donuts coffee cup with Vodka (just so you know, I typo'd Dunkin' Donuts as Drunkin' Donuts). He then put the lid of the cup back on and put the bottle away beneath his seat. I saw this, and didn't say anything. As I've mentioned before, this isn't something that worries me. I'd seen him do shit like this plenty of times before, so it didn't bother me at all. He saw me notice this though, and to my surprise decided to say something about it.

"Asif, you want to know something?"
"Uh, sure. What's up?"
"I've been drinking and driving since 1972, okay? And I've never once been caught or given a ticket for it."
"That's... That's great dad. Good job?"

He went on to explain that the reason he's never been caught is that there is a proper way to drink and drive. And by proper of course, he means doing so without alerting the authorities to your inebriation. According to my wonderful father - who I'm going to go ahead and label as an expert on this, the key to drinking and driving properly is being good at both drinking and driving. You have to know how to drive well, and you have to know how to drink appropriately while doing so.

Drive cautiously, take no risks, and avoid areas you know the authorities are likely to be. And as far as drinking right; it's just a matter of pacing yourself. Downing a quart of rum a mile into your trip would make driving cautiously pretty hard, I think. So take your time with what you drink, and don't be conspicuous about it. Personally I think the coffee cup method is quite ingenious, but feel free to change it up to your liking. Follow these simple steps and you should be able to avoid any run-ins with the Law Man. Or, say, driving yourself up a fucking tree.

I'm not going to go so far as to say everyone should try this. I'm not that irresponsible. I'm just saying, if you must do it, do it right.

Or don't. I don't really care. You're more than welcome to put your life at risk, I know I would. Put your life at risk, that is.

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Asif: finally, 40 followers for my blog
Asif: looking at the number 39 has been driving me fucking nuts. i hate that number.
Jacob: why
Asif: i don't know
Asif: i'm like that with money. i don't like carrying cash that's not even or in multiples of five
Asif: change doesn't count, just bills
Jacob: this mornin I watched a 90 minute lecture. an anthropology lecture on religiosity and how genes for schizophrenia and ocd are not necessarily a dead end if they're not fully expressed, they're very powerful. numerology gets brought up. little remark about how the ancient hebrews were a 10 based society
Jacob: so
Jacob: grats jew
Asif: .... :|